Bonus Moms

Nobody talks about what you're really going through.

You fell in love with someone, and this caused you to walk into a family that’s already hurting, already grieving, already divided from a past that you did not create. 

You love a man who is trying to be a present father, as his role has changed recently as well. This means you inherit the conflict that comes with him. 

You haven’t just joined a relationship; you have stepped into a family battle, possibly a courtroom story, a shared calendar, and so much more that gives a level of tension that most people will never understand. 

Some of you navigate a blended family with your own birth children. Whether they are young or older, you have an internal battle constantly striving to show them that they are not replaced or loved less than your bonus children. You strive to show that your love is big enough for each of those in your life who mean so much to you. It is an internal battle that is extremely exhausting. 

You get judged for existing, blamed for boundaries that you didn’t set. Accused of motives you don’t have. Often being told right to your face how much you're hated, and how you ruined their lives. That their life would be better without you.

You are pushed away as you watch these children you love carry huge adult pain. You hold your tongue when lies are told. You try to stay calm when you are made out to be the villain.

You live in fear, knowing your words could be twisted, or just waiting for the next explosion to happen. And you live through all of this while trying to make a home feel safe. Trying so hard not to lose yourself, be hard on yourself, or live in constant fear. 

But here's what no one talks about. You grieve a family that you didn’t get to build from the beginning. You question your place daily. You wake every morning asking yourself, “Is my love making things better or worse?” 

Please remember your presence matters; you matter. Not because you're perfect but because you are striving for peace over conflict. You work hard to show kids that love does not have to look like war.

You are not invisible. Please do not let your current situation diminish who you are; do not give up; do not go numb. Let your amazing light shine. Know that this season shall pass. Allowing you to remain true to yourself in the process. You are kind, understanding, loving, compassionate, and so much more. 

Only Bonus Moms/Step Moms will fully understand this.